When my 2 yr old is looking at me, telling me "I don't want you to be sad!" and running out of the room because she's upset that I'm upset... and I'm sitting here (again) blubbering like an idiot, with no one to talk to... I just get mad.
The Midwife just emailed me back. I fully accept that part of this whole thing is my issue; I am not a perfect person, and certainly not a perfect student. But. But. I feel like I have been trying very, very hard to reach out and figure out what she wants from me, to make this clinical experience work. When we were early in the experience, "daily evals" were necessary; I begged her for constructive criticism, and rarely got anything from her that I could work on besides "you're learning, you're doing fine." She told me often that if I needed to change my schedule because of work or family obligations, it was "fine", just to let her know - which I did, if it happened.
I don't know when any of this changed.
The Midwife has "worked with many students in the past and something just does not feel right". Ouch. Does it matter that I have worked with many, many instructors and preceptors in the past? I have never been told that I was "not right" before... no one has ever "fired" me as a student or preceptee.
First impressions are important... the Midwife, in her reply, seems to be saying that something has been "off" all along, and its noticeable not just to her, but the entire staff. She doesn't feel she's unapproachable or distant... so it must be me.
Well, doesn't this all suck.