Friday, July 22, 2011

Mama Needs a Time-Out


Whatever happened to TGIF?! So much for Friday, I guess... whatever optimism and good vibes I had going into the earlier part of this week somehow dissipated as the week rolled on. In the wee hours of Wednesday morning, while I was gearing up for the clinical week - I usually do clinicals with Dee Weds/Thurs/Fri - I woke up with a killer migraine. (I've had migraines since I was four or five ... nothing new there. They've probably been in the best control of my life for the past year or two, actually; I've found a daily preventative med that seems to help, and for the first time ever, I've found an abortive that seems to actually knock them down when they do kick in. Score. But - that being said - I do still get the occasional nasty f*@!er, but never, or rarely, has one ever woken me in the middle of the night before... so this one sucked!) I did my best to get through the day Wednesday with Dee, but even after taking my abortive, and all my usual knocker-outers, I had nothing and had to leave early ---- which I hated doing. After a few hours of solid rest and a combination of narcotic, another abortive, heat/ice, and some topical cream to my neck/shoulders/etc (which by the way was not a good idea - more on that later), I was somewhat coherent again.

Unfortunately, the arthritis cream that I picked up to rub onto my neck/shoulders/temple (similar to what I usually use, but a different brand... I can't even think of what I picked up that day) was awful. Whether it was the intended effect or not, it caused my skin to feel as though it was on fire - my palms, my shoulders, and my neck raged at me the entire afternoon, evening, and next day, even after scrubbing in an attempt to relieve the sensation. And, of course, smart cookie that I am, I slipped my contacts out (and then tried to replace them the next morning) with residue apparently still remaining. Good gracious golly. Not only was I living in the migraine hangover, I was also fairly certain I was close to blind...

Then, when I got out to my car --- I found it egged. What. The. ... Seriously. Of course, as usual, I didn't have any spare time (why would I?! Any of you who know me, know that I don't generally run with spare time...) to rinse the gook off, much less for a real car wash. Okay, so it was only one egg (or maybe two) on the driver's side door and window, but for the love of mud --- why?! I really, really was NOT in the mood and, as I'm sure you can imagine, would have had some not-so-pleasant things to say to whoever thought sharing their breakfast fare with my vehicle was a good idea.

The rest of the week has pretty much continued as such. Though I am sooooo close to the end of my necessary clinical hours - T-minus 66 and counting - I've hardly knocked any off this week, thanks to the lovely migraine and having to cut out of clinicals early yesterday (Thursday) as I was scheduled to work in Babyland.

So it's been a non-productive, miserable-feeling, blah kind of week. Oh, and that "other" position that I was excited about? I had a phone interview Wednesday evening, post-migraine... I thought it went all right, even though it didn't sound like my "dream" position by any means; while I didn't expect to get hired as they disclosed on the phone that they were doing a second interview for a previous applicant the next day, it still stung today when I received an email telling me that my "career goals didn't appear to be a fit" for the position, and thanking me anyway. Ouch. I guess it just is a downer, all around, even though I had more or less decided that I wasn't all that interested... *sigh*

To top it off, I'm finally home, getting to spend some time with my family --- and my lovely young ladies are not listening to me, I'm incredibly crabby and cranky with them, and I just don't have any patience for them, for myself, or for anything. I don't like how I feel, how I'm reacting to them, or anything at all. In desperation, after too much hollering after too much whining, I sent them to separate rooms for extended time-outs --- but really, deep down, I'm the one who needs the time-out.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

It's seriously 99 degrees outside, with a heat index (whatever that is) another 10-15 degrees hotter. Wooooohooo. Swimming sounds amazing, no!?

At least in a symbolic sense (or a Finding Nemo sense), that's what I'm doing. I'm not sinking, I'm not thrashing wildly trying to get through these last few weeks of clinicals, and I'm doing more - at least, I think so - than just treading water. The end is in sight! I've just crossed the 600 hr mark (out of 675 required hours) of clinical experience; most of my numbers are met or very close. "Dee" keeps throwing this hope-rope to me about submitting a proposal to her administrators to add another midwife to her practice; several of her doctors are on board and supportive. I am so comfortable working with Dee, and with the women she sees - I think we are both praying that things work out and they (administration, that is) agree that expanding her midwifery practice would be beneficial all around. I also just had a phone interview - or at least, a short chat - with a midwife from another midwifery practice about an hour and a half from my home... it was encouraging and again gave me hope for a job opportunity in the near future.

So, while I'm trying desperately not to get too excited about any of these possibilities - and trust me, I really want to get excited... how great would it be to stay within an hour or so of our families?? - it does allow me to drift into the occasional daydream. House hunting... comparing elementary schools... thinking about future vacations and scheduling considerations... and, oh yeah, maybe a paycheck! (This whole "9 months of clinicals and little working" thing has really, really hurt our finances... I think anyone who's been in this spot can commiserate!)

Two more weeks - give or take - of clinicals; one more assignment (a client journal that I should have had done long ago, but had to start all over after the abrupt change in clinical sites); several uber-important tests. It's not that much, especially considering how far I've come this far - but when I look at it that way, it can easily overwhelm me. So, instead --- I'll just keep swimming.

(And, on a side-note, I'll keep looking forward to the end of September, when I will hopefully be an official nurse-midwife, and celebrating in Punta Cana...)