Saturday, February 5, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Six days. That's how long it's been since I've had one. To some of you, it might not seem like that long, but god, it sucks! I almost, almost had one yesterday - but I didn't.
I don't know if it's good or bad that I kept my hands off it yesterday. It was SO close - but I held myself back.
I'm dreaming of them; driving to work and clinical, I fantasize about how to get one. How to excuse myself out of the office, for that very reason... In the office, I do anything I can (within reason, of course!) to "help" make it more likely...
(Is this bad?)
All right, all right... the good news is, if nothing else - we have two inductions scheduled Friday morning so I WILL get my hands on one of those long-sought guilty pleasures then. If the multip - who has been so desperately waiting for labor for the past three weeks, and whose membranes I "stripped" a few days ago, hoping it might nudge labor on - hasn't naturally kicked in by then, I think hers will be the first lustily-crying babe I'll get my hands on. I think he'll (we don't know if it's a boy or girl, but I'm banking on boy parts) be a pretty good size kiddo, but she'll do well: her heart will fill with a new love for her child that she allows my hands to catch - such an awesome feeling!
Otherwise, besides the dreams and intense desire to catch one --- no jitters or other symptoms, so I guess my withdrawal isn't as severe as it initially seems. But - just in case... send some baby-vibes this way, please!
The Cost of CNEP Clinicals
So, I finally decided to pop out a calculator and figure out just how much in lost wages this whole clinical thing is costing me. Between clinging, sad kiddos and a dwindling checkbook, I finally admitted to myself that I was having some pretty severe withdrawal from my life as well as the slippery babes. I was shocked, though, to realize just how much we've 'lost' since I cut waaaay back on working to try to plow through clinicals... see below (I won't tell you exactly how much I make, I'm just going to toss out $25/hr as an "average" rate for a newer RN working in a hospital setting in a low cost-of-living area... sound fair?) . So - CNEP program length is 675 hours total...
675 x $25 = $16,875
Holy Bejesus Batman! I knew it would be a lot... but I wasn't expecting that much (I really, really suck at math). Yikes!
And, of course, this nice chunk of change doesn't include mileage/gas costs - I am commuting right around an hour each way to my clinical site, usually 4 days a week, so averaging probably $80-90/wk in gas - or tuition/schooling costs (I want to say this is about $2800 each term, or around $8400 total, give or take, for the three terms of clinical that I will have). Last - and definitely not least - there is the time away from my family and "life"... there is no way to put a price on this, but hopefully, will be a small sacrifice that will be forgiven once time passes.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I've said it, and it's true. I realized yesterday - or maybe it was today, or the day before yesterday (does it really matter?) - that I am addicted to this blogging thing. It's sort of liberating, in a way... I can go on and on, without worrying about the words stumbling out of my mouth (something that they tend to do in real life --- I think I have a bit of a speech impediment!) or if anyone really cares. In the world of blogging, I don't need to wonder if anyone is reading or not.
Sure, sure... it's GREAT to get an email notifying me of a new comment on one of my posts, or to see that I have a new follower. But, I can still imagine that there are people reading my daily musings - or that no one is (sometimes that is just as soothing). I'm certain there is a way to figure out how many 'hits' my site has had over time - but (a) I don't know how to do this, and (b) I don't really want to know. Ignorance really is bliss, as they say!
So, this one is gonna be short and sweet, but a few confessions for you (whether you're out there or not) ...
1. Blogging is taking over my life - I'm starting to daydream about it, put off schoolwork, housework, you name it, in favor of it. Is this bad (especially since my ramblings really aren't that good?)
2. Deep down, I'm a very lazy person. Given a chance, I will stay in bed until 10 a.m.; I'll walk right by a pile of toys on the floor (they're just going to get dragged out again anyway) and - as I type this - there is a laundry basket of clothes half-folded on the couch across from me. The only reason they are there, clean, to begin with is because the Warm One loves me and does way more than his share of things... I heart him for this.
3. I eat way too much crap. I know I need to eat better, and I want to (mostly), but it's just so much easier to just eat crap - you know? Ugh. Like, I have had Fazoli's drive-thru for the past two days because it was fast and (kind of) on the way home. And, again, see #3. Lazy ass.
I hope these things don't make me a bad person. I hope that these things are mostly related to life as we know it, right now, since it seems like there's a lot going on... I have memories from the not-too-distant past of actually cleaning my house, of making meals and even sitting down to eat them with my family. Fingers crossed that these things will come to pass again, some day...
(P.S. Confession #4 - I struggled a teensy bit with putting this posting up, only because I kind of liked having Gerard Butler headlining my blog... mmmm...)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Come on... you know you have one... your list of guilty pleasures. Those five celebs, that you would like to have a chance with - no holds barred. Kind of "freebies", right? I know you know what I'm talking about here, right?!
Wait, wait! I don't mean, oh, Gerard Butler (drool!) or Brad Pitt. Not that list. I'm not going that far off topic (not that I wouldn't mind wandering off topic that way, but... wait, where was I?). Ok, anyway, back on track.
Right. The Five. (I think, to be honest, you can have as many on your "list" as you like, according to the popular version of this list - but for my blogging purposes --- I'm going with five. Thanks.) Five celebrities/well-known folks* that I would love to attend to during pregnancy and birth...
*Just to clarify, this is meant to be light-hearted... I don't hold celebrities to any higher regar
d than you or I, or my neighbors, or any woman I meet on a daily basis. I don't idolize Hollywood faces by any means - but, I figure they probably have their own demons to fight just as we have ours. I suppose they are just people, like anyone else... so the purpose of this post is just that, 'hey, for some random reason, this person [ insert name ] seems like my kind of person --- I'd love to have her/them for a client!'. That's all :)
So. Finally. On with the List.
5. Jennifer Aniston. Honestly, I don't know if she's dating anyone, if she's preggo, whatever --- I don't have time to grocery shop, or get my hair done, so haven't caught up on Star or People (not even the covers!) in forever. *Sigh* But... can't you imagine her as a pregnant mama? I'm totally stereotyping her based on most of the characters she's played over the years, I will shamelessy admit it ... but - based on that - I see her as the sweetest, could-be-my-new-best-friend-who-is-over-the-moon-excited-about-every-single-part-of-pregnancy client. She'd buy every single pregnancy relat
ed book out there, have What To Expect... (groan) dogeared, and have scores of questions that I would love to answer at each appointment. She would just be an all-around warm-fuzzy, brighten-your-day kinda girl.
(I think she would have a realistic outlook, too - she wouldn't go into it with a mile-long birth plan spelling out "delivery by candle light and whispers only" and "absolutely no pain medication", rather, a perfectly normal, non-diva delivery with a requested epidural, rest, and probably a small perineal laceration. Ideal, from a "birth as a normal, non-pathologic" process? Nah. Still perfectly fine? You bet!)
4. Ellen DeGeneres. Again, I don't know much about Ellen's love life these days. (See explanation above.) I believe she is madly in love with Portia de Rossi - yay for them - and if I'm not mistaking, they have a baby... babies? (Really, I am about ten years behind, here...) I am so disgusted with myself that I can't keep up with anything, but when I do catch the Ellen show, I love it! Even when I can't - I am blessed to get snippets and links from friends who have caught segments or shared with me; ever since I was a young'un - not gonna date myself here and give you specifics, I'll just say it was before the Y2K fears came about - Ellen has been a great fave. How fun would she be in labor? (And, not to mention the whole beautiful - in my opinion, of course, and this is a tangent/different post topic - blossoming of the unique family. Not that ev
ery family isn't unique and beautiful ---- here I go again, with the mouth/mind quicksand... I hope you know what I mean. Ugh!)
3. Miranda Kerr. Okay, Orlanda Bloom's (hello, hotness - pardon my distraction back to the "other" list for a moment again...) wife grabbed my attention - and the attention of many - when she posted a gorgeous picture of herself and her newborn son shortly after little Flynn was born. The beauty of it had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Miranda is a Victoria's Secret model, or that the babe was a mix of her lingerie-wearing genes and those of Orlando Bloom (*drool*) but that the picture that spread like wildfire over te Web showed her nursing the sweet babe in a sidelying position, aside a statement promoting natural birth and the importance of strong, loving support during labor.
So, Mrs. Kerr-Bloom* - in honor of your handsome son and public service announcement for natural birth and breastfeeding, I will wipe my chin and move on. Thank you.
* I really want to be childish here and make a joke that this sounds a lot like "Care Bear". That seems kind of, well, childish though, so....
2. Oprah Winfrey. Okay. I have to be straight with you here. I don't think Oprah's havin' a baby any time soon. I am totally selling out here because I want a 2012 VW Beetle. I like to think, maybe, if I was her midwife, she'd give me one of her favorite things.
I know, bad midwife. Bad midwife!!
(And yet -- doesn't every midwife need a Beetle?!)
1. P!nk. I relate to every single P!nk (aka Alecia Beth Moore) song out there - don't you? ("Slam, slam, oh hot damn - what part of party don't you understand? ... "But we try to hard, it's a waste of my time, done lookin' for critics cuz they're everywhere - they don't like my genes, they don't like my hair"...) Who doesn't hear a P!nk song and feel instantly cheered up, at least a little?
I think, a P!nk pregnancy, labor, and delivery would be a blast. I think it would be fast, wild, and crazy. Yeah, yeah, there might be some, um, interesting parts --- but what fun is anyth
ing in life if there aren't times when you just have to take a deep breath, hang on tight, and hope for the best? Would P!nk's baby come out with sweet hair? Damn right! I'm predicting - fast, fast labor - one of those intense ones, probably a fair amount of swearing (ah, hell, who doesn't do that in labor though, right?) but a fair amount of tender moments, too... followed by a swift and gentle birth of a little mohawked mini-P!n
k. And, of course, soon-to-be-snuggled in a mini panda hat just like mama's...
Well, I've successfully avoided (a) housework and (b) schoolwork for the evening... mission accomplished! So who's on your "list"??