Monday, January 31, 2011

Who's on Your Celebrity List?

Come on... you know you have one... your list of guilty pleasures. Those five celebs, that you would like to have a chance with - no holds barred. Kind of "freebies", right? I know you know what I'm talking about here, right?!

Wait, wait! I don't mean, oh, Gerard Butler (drool!) or Brad Pitt. Not that list. I'm not going that far off topic (not that I wouldn't mind wandering off topic that way, but... wait, where was I?). Ok, anyway, back on track.

Right. The Five. (I think, to be honest, you can have as many on your "list" as you like, according to the popular version of this list - but for my blogging purposes --- I'm going with five. Thanks.) Five celebrities/well-known folks* that I would love to attend to during pregnancy and birth...

*Just to clarify, this is meant to be light-hearted... I don't hold celebrities to any higher regar
d than you or I, or my neighbors, or any woman I meet on a daily basis. I don't idolize Hollywood faces by any means - but, I figure they probably have their own demons to fight just as we have ours. I suppose they are just people, like anyone else... so the purpose of this post is just that, 'hey, for some random reason, this person [ insert name ] seems like my kind of person --- I'd love to have her/them for a client!'. That's all :)

So. Finally. On with the List.

5. Jennifer Aniston. Honestly, I don't know if she's dating anyone, if she's preggo, whatever --- I don't have time to grocery shop, or get my hair done, so haven't caught up on Star or People (not even the covers!) in forever. *Sigh* But... can't you imagine her as a pregnant mama? I'm totally stereotyping her based on most of the characters she's played over the years, I will shamelessy admit it ... but - based on that - I see her as the sweetest, could-be-my-new-best-friend-who-is-over-the-moon-excited-about-every-single-part-of-pregnancy client. She'd buy every single pregnancy relat
ed book out there, have What To Expect... (groan) dogeared, and have scores of questions that I would love to answer at each appointment. She would just be an all-around warm-fuzzy, brighten-your-day kinda girl.

(I think she would have a realistic outlook, too - she wouldn't go into it with a mile-long birth plan spelling out "delivery by candle light and whispers only" and "absolutely no pain medication", rather, a perfectly normal, non-diva delivery with a requested epidural, rest, and probably a small perineal laceration. Ideal, from a "birth as a normal, non-pathologic" process? Nah. Still perfectly fine? You bet!)

4. Ellen DeGeneres. Again, I don't know much about Ellen's love life these days. (See explanation above.) I believe she is madly in love with Portia de Rossi - yay for them - and if I'm not mistaking, they have a baby... babies? (Really, I am about ten years behind, here...) I am so disgusted with myself that I can't keep up with anything, but when I do catch the Ellen show, I love it! Even when I can't - I am blessed to get snippets and links from friends who have caught segments or shared with me; ever since I was a young'un - not gonna date myself here and give you specifics, I'll just say it was before the Y2K fears came about - Ellen has been a great fave. How fun would she be in labor? (And, not to mention the whole beautiful - in my opinion, of course, and this is a tangent/different post topic - blossoming of the unique family. Not that ev
ery family isn't unique and beautiful ---- here I go again, with the mouth/mind quicksand... I hope you know what I mean. Ugh!)

3. Miranda Kerr. Okay, Orlanda Bloom's (hello, hotness - pardon my distraction back to the "other" list for a moment again...) wife grabbed my attention - and the attention of many - when she posted a gorgeous picture of herself and her newborn son shortly after little Flynn was born. The beauty of it had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Miranda is a Victoria's Secret model, or that the babe was a mix of her lingerie-wearing genes and those of Orlando Bloom (*drool*) but that the picture that spread like wildfire over te Web showed her nursing the sweet babe in a sidelying position, aside a statement promoting natural birth and the importance of strong, loving support during labor.

So, Mrs. Kerr-Bloom* - in honor of your handsome son and public service announcement for natural birth and breastfeeding, I will wipe my chin and move on. Thank you.

* I really want to be childish here and make a joke that this sounds a lot like "Care Bear". That seems kind of, well, childish though, so....

2. Oprah Winfrey. Okay. I have to be straight with you here. I don't think Oprah's havin' a baby any time soon. I am totally selling out here because I want a 2012 VW Beetle. I like to think, maybe, if I was her midwife, she'd give me one of her favorite things.

I know, bad midwife. Bad midwife!!

(And yet -- doesn't every midwife need a Beetle?!)

1. P!nk. I relate to every single P!nk (aka Alecia Beth Moore) song out there - don't you? ("Slam, slam, oh hot damn - what part of party don't you understand? ... "But we try to hard, it's a waste of my time, done lookin' for critics cuz they're everywhere - they don't like my genes, they don't like my hair"...) Who doesn't hear a P!nk song and feel instantly cheered up, at least a little?

I think, a P!nk pregnancy, labor, and delivery would be a blast. I think it would be fast, wild, and crazy. Yeah, yeah, there might be some, um, interesting parts --- but what fun is anyth
ing in life if there aren't times when you just have to take a deep breath, hang on tight, and hope for the best? Would P!nk's baby come out with sweet hair? Damn right! I'm predicting - fast, fast labor - one of those intense ones, probably a fair amount of swearing (ah, hell, who doesn't do that in labor though, right?) but a fair amount of tender moments, too... followed by a swift and gentle birth of a little mohawked mini-P!n
k. And, of course, soon-to-be-snuggled in a mini panda hat just like mama's...


Well, I've successfully avoided (a) housework and (b) schoolwork for the evening... mission accomplished! So who's on your "list"??


  1. My #1 would have to be Sandra Bullock. I have loved her since While You Were Sleeping and I think she just deserves so much more out of life than what she's gotten lately. Including a mind blowing birth with an awesome, new best friend doula named Lindsey. :)
    #2: Kristen Chenoweth - I bet she'd sing showtunes through the whole thing and I could sing along!
    #3: Pam from The Office (and I don't mean the actress in real life, either, haha). She was doing so great, laboring in the break room. I would have liked to walk the parking lot a few times and wait a bit... she got to the hospital way too early if it took that long afterwards to get the baby out. :)
    #4: Tina Fey - kinda along the same lines as Kristen, I think she'd be cracking hilarious jokes and just laugh the baby out.
    #5: Faith Hill. Let's just be honest here. It's so I can stare at Tim the whole time. :)

    Fun idea!

  2. ooooh, good list lindsey! maybe we could go into business together --- i'm gonna need a doula, you know... --- and combine our lists...

    (and i could certainly use some more eye-candy on my *other* list, so all the more reason to keep your #1 nearby!)