Drinking, Resting, and Breathing.

That's all I'm going to do for a while, on the advice of someone I consider to be a friend and a kind of spiritual advisor (she's a pastor, but for some reason, that title seems awkward to me...?). Anyway, her wise words: "Drink lots of water, get lots of rest, and just breathe."

It seems like a good strategy, and the kind words - said at the perfect time, by someone whom I have only had a handful of actual face-to-face conversations with - touched me. Like all of the supportive comments to my blog posts, all of the "likes" and thoughts (both heartfelt and sassy) on my Facebook statuses, all of the texts, emails, and walls posts from friends reaching out to me - it was enough to bring tears to my eyes and warm fuzzies through the rest of me. I'm not someone who has ever had a lot of close friends; usually, I have one or two very close friends that I confide everything to, and then a handful of acquaintances. To have so many people that I feel like are there for me, is an overwhelmingly touching feeling.

Today was officially my last day with the Midwife. As expected, it was bittersweet; now that I am home, starting to unwind and draw closer to my bed, I am becoming more at ease and even relieved. It was time. The Midwife and I finally had a good - not great, but at least a better - talk as I was saying goodbye. We did not, by far, clear up many of our miscommunications - but I think maybe, just maybe, things were at least left on a fair note.

As a student nurse-midwife, I feel like it was a good time to leave this site. The last birth that I attended was beautiful; the couple was strong, dedicated, and so in tune to the birth process and their baby, through the many curve-balls that labor and birth through their way. They were "my" type of client: they chose the Midwife because they wanted a Midwife-attended, natural, low-intervention birth. It was a joy to be with them as they became a family of three and welcomed their sweet daughter into the world, exhausted yet exhilarated. They gifted me with another blessing as I said goodbye, with kind words towards me as a SNM as well as words from another past client.

I wish the Midwife the best; I know that she is dealing with stresses in her life, and I hope that peace and calm descends to her.

For me - it's going to be a lot of just drinking, resting, and breathing.

And ... the Paper.