Birth photography...

... is something that I've always loved the idea of. As an OB nurse and now student nurse-midwife, I always find my mind taking these mental snapshots during labor, birth, and those first few days of each new family. I find myself saddened by the intimate moments lost, the sweet "firsts" that are missed, and the beauty of a partner's touch or a newborn's soft skin slipping by unnoticed. "Where is your camera?!" I scream, noiselessly, to the new parents, or the grandparents, or anyone else nearby. "Don't you realize how precious these moments are? You'll never get them back..."

Part of this melancholy stems back to Mini #2. As I was preparing to host the luncheon for her baptismal party, I was throwing together a photo album/scrapbook of her first days. (Of course, this happened to be only a day or two before the party... but that's another story.) It was only then that I realized - I only had a few pictures that were taken during labor and delivery. But... what about... I don't remember... How come....

Suddenly, it wasn't about the photo album (Heaven knows we had plenty of pictures for that), but the fact that I wanted to remember more. Now, granted, I feel like I remember our labor very, very vividly; my water "sprung a leak at home", I knew it was definitely my water (because, first of all, as an OB nurse, you just know amniotic fluid... and second of all, I had somehow accidentally managed to procure an amnioswab...), went in to the hospital and was deemed to not be ruptured - but still given IV antibiotics "just in case" since I was GBS +... continued to labor, eventually beginning to have "real" contractions and delivering within a matter of about four hours. I remember reading No Country For Old Men early on, I remember the Warm One laying out on the cot next to me and snoring away through much of my labor, I remember my boss coming in about two hours into labor to visit for a few minutes; I remember realizing in amazement that I was using a focal point (a focal point! something I have always discussed in Childbirth Classes, but never actually thought of using myself...) on the chest of drawers, and I remember visualizing my cervix melting away as I waited, and waited, and waited, in the shower. Anyway --- the point of this post wasn't to share my birth story (that's another day) but to mourn the lack of pictures.

But, now the Warm One came in and ruined my train of thought. I'll leave you, instead, with an invitation to visit these friendly blogs that I've come across - gorgeous examples of a touching, sweet birth story, told in pictures:

http://www.jackspratphotography.com/category/birth/

http://capturingdayone.com/gallery?pid=173 (click through the 16 images)

http://creativelookimagery.com/blog/?p=2441&cpage=1#comment-207 (my favorite - make sure you view the full-screen version, with your sound on...)

http://imaginatephotography.com/blog/2010/03/19/baby-ms-birth-illinois-birth-photographer/ (another video)

Enjoy!

Drinking, Resting, and Breathing.

That's all I'm going to do for a while, on the advice of someone I consider to be a friend and a kind of spiritual advisor (she's a pastor, but for some reason, that title seems awkward to me...?). Anyway, her wise words: "Drink lots of water, get lots of rest, and just breathe."

It seems like a good strategy, and the kind words - said at the perfect time, by someone whom I have only had a handful of actual face-to-face conversations with - touched me. Like all of the supportive comments to my blog posts, all of the "likes" and thoughts (both heartfelt and sassy) on my Facebook statuses, all of the texts, emails, and walls posts from friends reaching out to me - it was enough to bring tears to my eyes and warm fuzzies through the rest of me. I'm not someone who has ever had a lot of close friends; usually, I have one or two very close friends that I confide everything to, and then a handful of acquaintances. To have so many people that I feel like are there for me, is an overwhelmingly touching feeling.

Today was officially my last day with the Midwife. As expected, it was bittersweet; now that I am home, starting to unwind and draw closer to my bed, I am becoming more at ease and even relieved. It was time. The Midwife and I finally had a good - not great, but at least a better - talk as I was saying goodbye. We did not, by far, clear up many of our miscommunications - but I think maybe, just maybe, things were at least left on a fair note.

As a student nurse-midwife, I feel like it was a good time to leave this site. The last birth that I attended was beautiful; the couple was strong, dedicated, and so in tune to the birth process and their baby, through the many curve-balls that labor and birth through their way. They were "my" type of client: they chose the Midwife because they wanted a Midwife-attended, natural, low-intervention birth. It was a joy to be with them as they became a family of three and welcomed their sweet daughter into the world, exhausted yet exhilarated. They gifted me with another blessing as I said goodbye, with kind words towards me as a SNM as well as words from another past client.

I wish the Midwife the best; I know that she is dealing with stresses in her life, and I hope that peace and calm descends to her.

For me - it's going to be a lot of just drinking, resting, and breathing.

And ... the Paper.