Long time, no see...

It's been 19 days since I had a delicious delivery, and it's hurting. In some ways, it seems like longer, but in others --- it's not so bad. The time with my family, to catch up on sleep, and to get a few other things that have been dearly lacking (car maintenance, bills, etc) back on track... two thumbs up. Missing the lovely women and experiences of twos becoming threes and families adding extras... not so much.

To keep this short and sweet (and I'll tell you why in two short, evil words: the Paper), I'm gonna to limit myself to exactly two minutes of typing, no more. It's 2038 right now, so by the time my computer hits 2040, I'm publishing this post as is*. (I might however sneak back and add a pic to pretty it up, I do reserve that right.) **I totally lied, it's now 2059 & I am just hitting the submit button. Oh, well... you'll see why...

Anyway, on the 'professional' side - hoping to start my next leg of the clinical journey at another nearby site within the next few weeks. This midwife that I am hoping to work with is much more "my" style, from what I know of her. I am very much excited to work with her, and my fingers, toes, and possibly even fallopian tubes (maybe not - that seems as though that might not be so good?!) are crossed that it works it. Stay tuned!

On the personal side... recently I had the bittersweet pleasure of working with a beautiful family who had the painful loss of their baby shortly after the midpoint of their pregnancy. The loss wasn't expected, but wasn't necessarily a surprise either; going into the pregnancy, there were certain risk factors that they knew increased the risk for stillbirth and/or preterm birth. The grace and strength at which they accepted their child's short life, introducing their older child to his angel sibling and then saying goodbye, warmed my heart. I only hope that I was able to help in the grieving process, or at least communicate the value and appreciation that we all have for the sweet little life that they have had and are remembering. One service that I always forget the name of in these (thankfully rare) situations - and always wish that I could remember, but can't until later - is the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep organization (http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/home/) , which is a non-profit group of professional photographers that is dedicated to help families who have experienced an early pregnancy (after 25 weeks or so, according to their site) or neonatal death. Though we do take pictures of our babes, they in no way can compare with the beautiful gift that this foundation can offer to their parents.

To all the angel babies, and families who are missing them... you are loved, and not forgotten...

Birth photography...

... is something that I've always loved the idea of. As an OB nurse and now student nurse-midwife, I always find my mind taking these mental snapshots during labor, birth, and those first few days of each new family. I find myself saddened by the intimate moments lost, the sweet "firsts" that are missed, and the beauty of a partner's touch or a newborn's soft skin slipping by unnoticed. "Where is your camera?!" I scream, noiselessly, to the new parents, or the grandparents, or anyone else nearby. "Don't you realize how precious these moments are? You'll never get them back..."

Part of this melancholy stems back to Mini #2. As I was preparing to host the luncheon for her baptismal party, I was throwing together a photo album/scrapbook of her first days. (Of course, this happened to be only a day or two before the party... but that's another story.) It was only then that I realized - I only had a few pictures that were taken during labor and delivery. But... what about... I don't remember... How come....

Suddenly, it wasn't about the photo album (Heaven knows we had plenty of pictures for that), but the fact that I wanted to remember more. Now, granted, I feel like I remember our labor very, very vividly; my water "sprung a leak at home", I knew it was definitely my water (because, first of all, as an OB nurse, you just know amniotic fluid... and second of all, I had somehow accidentally managed to procure an amnioswab...), went in to the hospital and was deemed to not be ruptured - but still given IV antibiotics "just in case" since I was GBS +... continued to labor, eventually beginning to have "real" contractions and delivering within a matter of about four hours. I remember reading No Country For Old Men early on, I remember the Warm One laying out on the cot next to me and snoring away through much of my labor, I remember my boss coming in about two hours into labor to visit for a few minutes; I remember realizing in amazement that I was using a focal point (a focal point! something I have always discussed in Childbirth Classes, but never actually thought of using myself...) on the chest of drawers, and I remember visualizing my cervix melting away as I waited, and waited, and waited, in the shower. Anyway --- the point of this post wasn't to share my birth story (that's another day) but to mourn the lack of pictures.

But, now the Warm One came in and ruined my train of thought. I'll leave you, instead, with an invitation to visit these friendly blogs that I've come across - gorgeous examples of a touching, sweet birth story, told in pictures:

http://www.jackspratphotography.com/category/birth/

http://capturingdayone.com/gallery?pid=173 (click through the 16 images)

http://creativelookimagery.com/blog/?p=2441&cpage=1#comment-207 (my favorite - make sure you view the full-screen version, with your sound on...)

http://imaginatephotography.com/blog/2010/03/19/baby-ms-birth-illinois-birth-photographer/ (another video)

Enjoy!